The song

that had been in my head since I woke up....

"Break my heart for what break yours,
everything I have for your kingdom cause.
As I walk from Earth into eternity."

It just keep replaying, I think this is Holy Spirit's reminder.
The kind of heart that God wants, the kind of desire he wants me to have.

It is not what you can see that is powerful, it is in the unseen which is powerful.
Don't just be caught up with material or physical things, remember there is still eternity.

Accomplished

I had...
-Done my stats
-Emailed Gideon the RC fund stats
-Packed a part of the room
-Confirmed shepherding dates with my sheep(s)
-Planned CG for both NED1 n the Grads
-Signed up for my Keyboard lesson. It had been quite a long rest! Now I am so looking forward to it!
-Practiced on my keyboard and recorded a portion of it. =)

Wah! I feel accomplished. hehe
Next up, I should email focus on the family to express my interest in taking on more NO Apologies workshop.Good money! Then I can use to it to fund my instruments purchase. HEHEHE!

=)

"Everybody wants to change the world, but no one wants to change themself"

Today I attended DAY 2 of my "NO APOLOGIES WORKSHOP".

I just want to thank God for the little things that happen today that brighten up my otherwise long and tiring day.
-The smile of a baby. Yes she smiled to me, so sweet!
-Sincere affirmation from someone whom I just know. After my sharing of my lifestory, this new friend came up to affirm me. That really encourages me.
-A silly friend who keeps old messages that I send her, so that one day, we can sit down and she can answer them. I was so amuse, yet felt so loved.

Contemplate

I am glad I made the decision to go to the JUMP concert. I really have gotten much from the the whole session. But I have a bad habit of not jotting my thoughts down. >.<
It was really a very ministering time, but I left the place with a tinge of melancholy.
It's like a melancholy overture playing in mind, dum di dum...

It's just the start of the week, and I am thrown with so many hard questions. I am still looking for an answer... I am in fact looking for many answers.
Prayerful....

As I grow up, I become more mellow.
Actually, I'm not exactly that sanguine either. I am really more shy then outspoken, but I do have firm belief and when I feel that I need to voice them out, I will.
Most people have the misconception that I am a aggressor, a confronter. Actually most of the time I take a mild approach towards things, unless, it really bugs me alot.
When I don't smile, it's not coz I am unfriendly, perhaps, I am thinking, I am tired, or I am scared.

Are you?

On Hold

When I was younger, God left me several missed call, I was busy, I wanted to do some other things. Then I became older, and I saw the list of missed calls, I tried to call him, but he put me on hold. I got a little impatient, I've got important agendas that I want to go through with him. And I waited, waited, a music played on as I waited, but I was too focused on my agendas to pay attention to it. As time grew, so did frustration. At times, he did answer, but he did not go through the agendas I wanted....

And recently, I learnt, when God put us on hold, we don't have to put the rest of the world around us on hold. Life still goes on. Waiting time, is not wasting time, it's time for preparation, allow the music that played on while holding, to fill our hearts with joy, get intrigue, by the things he place while putting us on hold. God is afterall a practical God. He won't do something without a reason.

The song my heart will sing from time time during the season....

Gonna spend the night packing the room, should be therapeutic. =)

Dunno why, am missing Gorgeous. Shall sms her something later to encourage her. ^^

Broken Dreams

One of the most devastating thing that can happen is broken dreams. Growing up, I begin to realise many adults grow up to be grumpy, prolly due to the accumulation of many many many unfulfiled dreams. Growing up, I fear, not being able to live my dream. And every year, as I look back, I noted the many unfulfiled things, and I will sigh to myself, "another year wasted."

I ask God about my dreams.
His reply was... "Do you trust me?"
Somehow... that got me thinking. The whole day.
Seriously, I don't have an answer.
But I'm willing to give it a try. My dreams are lofty, but I don't think they are not achievable.

Before I know myself, I must know him.
Instead of looking into myself, I should look towards him.

I remembered a friend said...
"You know I will support you in everything you do ya."

Frankly, I don't demand help from her, but the very fact she has the courage to say this, make me feel very comforted. For I know, she is not someone, who say something for the sake of saying something. She refuse to anyway.

It's comforting to know that, there are people around me, who is with me, in this life journey. Keeping me in their prayers.
Life right now is pretty tough, but I wouldn't have chosen otherwise.
I know my future in God is bright. Didn't he just assured me on sat?

O lord, I want to know you more.

Piling... piling....

Even though, I always complain about my PDA and how I want get rid of it, but it is actually very essential in my life. I don't know how to live without it. And I sense that it's end is near... >.<

My to do list is piling up...
but last night I made it more interesting.
I colour coded it, and categoriese into different categories, namely personal and ministry.
Somehow, now the list looks pretty now. ^^

Nah, I won't share my to do list here, if not, you people will know the stupid things I'm gonna buy and do... >.< haha!

My heart....

warms, yesterday in CLM, when eevoon hammy and debbie came up to affirm me. Just the three of them, standing with me, warms my heart. I was pleasantly surprise too when Dung came up to affirm me. Haha, and I do appreciate my CLs who do not have a chance to affirm me >.< I guess at the end of the day, God really knows me best. Know when I needed what and give it to me. I do appreciate Gideon's affirmation too. Really thank God for this leader with such a great gift of mercy, who is able to identify with me and understands my feelings and perspectives. It's rare that I can share with one, without much reservation.

I feel loved.

I am looking forward to my meetup wif deb eevoon and shuping.
Also that one random day, that I will find to do random things wif hammy.
Also Also... eyebrow treading wif Shuyan and... chilling out with Earth... Eileen Seah.
Oh man... there still so many more people whom I wana meet up with.
Hehs.. Chantel is growing to become more relational =)

Oh.. and all my dear ones from NED...

Dear Lord.. I need more than 24hours >.<

Latest Addictions






Gosh!

and...

http://www.crunchyroll.com/showmedia?id=35657

I am so in love with the theme song =)

HOW COME?

I haven't even started school yet, and my life is so hectic. Back to back appointments and what nots, I hardly have time to meet up with people! People like seah and shuyan... gosh, it's been ages since I go out with shuyan, and Earth too. But all of us are sooooo busy!
Quote eileen seah, "we are only 19! And we are so busy!"

Well, even as we are busy, I'm learning to manage my time better. I'm learning too, to manage my finace better. Though I know in both areas, I still got much room to improve in. But I'll always remember this principle of keeping the main thing the main thing. Major on the Major.

True to my oxymoronic character, while, I can be a very focus person, I am also easily distracted. Lately, one thing that I am reminded of. is the importance of spending quality time with God. Just like quality sleep, a good quality time spent with God really makes all the difference. I am a chiongster, and a thinker. Let me think more about God, and learn to slow down and experience his presence!

On a lighter note, I had a good time, shopping around town with Karchian today. I enjoy listening to her sharing about her life, I know that this is one person who will journey with me in our walk with God for quite some time. =)

I am happy with my purchases too!
-Comfy stuff from La Senza.
-Mask from Origins.
-Taka Vouchers for my sister.

Will, seems like I spent quite abit, but at least, I finally buy the stuff that I keep wanting to buy. Tmr I'll be picking up my guitar! I am so excited... whee!

You say it best when you say nothing at all.

Perhaps, you really got nothing to say.
I wished you would have said more. Something anything.
Nothing.

For your Kingdom Cause.





I snapped, one of guitar string which I borrowed from Uncle Chris. I was feeling very sad as I messaged him about it. His reply was "We talk tmr morning ard 11am ok. dun worry abt broken string." Oh man... so nice! ^^ I am looking forward to having my own guitar soon!





I have decided to forgo my end of the year TOD's treat... coz I am saving up for...








Kurzwell SP88X =) I am ditching that spolit piano, and replacing it with this. hehs!

And a vaio too...
which model? Still don't know yet. Something ultraportable =)

hehs...

I don't understand.

Today, the sermon is on daniel. He is one bible character whose life fascinates me. The way, he is able to juggle the different aspect in his life. The way, he is so so so so discipline.

I drop by the hawker centre, to pick my brother up. But, my sis told me my mum needs help, so i went to her stall, and begin to do the usual stuff of cleaning up the bowls. Yes, in what I wear for service today. It felt rather uncomfortable, but I didn't mind, I just helped. But, as I helped to wash up the stuff, she started scolding me. You know, I felt pretty unjustified. Saturday is suppose to be my off day, and I helped. For a moment I didn't understand. I didn't understand why I need to be the scapegoat for my younger siblings who refuse to help her. I didn't understand, why I'm given a ministry that is so hectic, I almost could not juggle.

Yet, even when I don't understand, I obeyed. I did not talk back to my mum. I did what I need to do quietly. I forgot to buy moisturisers, my hands felt so dry, they feel as if they are cracking. For a moment, I didn't understand why, my ministry had been so harsh on me.

I had an argument with my lil brother. He don't seem to understand our situation, or my situation. I don't demand his understanding, I just want him to know how to look out for himself. It was an exasperated conversation. I could not get my message across. I meant well. He don't get it.

When I reach home, I wrote a email to a dear friend to tell her, how happy I was for her. Didn't the bible say, he who refreshes others will himself be refresh? I think I am. Well, I love her what. =)

As I sat down, thinking about the things I don't understand. I begin to understand.

Didn't I pray to God, that I can feel the things he feel?
And in the circumstances where I didn't understand, all the more I seek after him. While I didn't understand, Jesus was with me.
When I obey without full understanding, he is please with me.

=)

The perfectionist

I am a perfectionist at heart.
A slop in practice.

I urghs me, when things are not done properly, promptly.
Often times, I get irritated by the physical limitations that slows down progress.

I get irritated with myself at times, often times, many times.
URGH.

The tension between the two, drives me crazy at times. Rah.